my phone is my worst enemy

12 May, 2026

my attention span is horrible and it's been horrible since the day i was put on this planet. the only thing that can captivate me is a task that takes up every single part of my brain while also being interesting to me.¹ it's not always horrible, thanks to my tendency to be bored of everything i've ended up learning a lot of skills, but it's also not great for my studies or time management issues. i'm not gonna say my phone or my laptop made it worse, but i'm gonna say having an accessible distraction machine definitely doesn't help. even as i write this, i'm in an english lesson, not learning english because i was struck down by an intense desire to get down my thoughts on distraction (which, effectively, is distraction. help.)

i find i work better with analogue forms. i don't believe technology is inherently bad or useless or anything like that, but i know that if i sat down with a book i'd have a far better time than just reading an epub of it, and if i went to learn something, i'm far more productive writing notes on paper. i prefer the inconvenience of old technology as well, as performative as it is to say i like to listen to music on a CD player, i do. that being said, i like digital art more than physical mediums. i prefer to do most of my writing on my ipad (which as i write this makes me realise that:

1. that's a weird thing to admit to prefer because who writes things straight onto their ipad and not their phone or their laptop
2. i think i just enjoy the process of inconvenient things because it makes me sit down get involved with my medium before i can even have the time to start the task, therefore locking me in the process of doing the task because i put in the effort to do it and...)

wow, train of thought really teaches you something about yourself. all of that to say that i really, really hate my phone. i hate the ease of access of everything, i hate that i don't have to think before i do something because it opens so quickly and easily that you don't really need to put effort into doing the task, i hate that short form content is shoved into every single thing and most of all i hate how necessary it is to my daily life.

i appreciate some people are able to cut social media out of their lives entirely but unfortunately as a young adult in the modern world who still needs to keep in contact with people younger than 30, social media is the easiest means. my friends only message my phone number if it's super important, and meeting new people is usually, "oh, by the way, do you use instagram?" as much as i hate social media with a passion, i need at least one to not become a complete recluse. i wish we could bring back the art of emailing~ thankfully my schoolmates have discord, and primarily use that to communicate..

..and i'll be honest, as much as i complain, i do actively use it. not so much for the reels², but my friends can attest to how much i spew nonsense on my story for lack of a relevant place to put it otherwise (seriously, does anyone on bearblog want to hear about localisation in 18trip?)

if anyone has advice, please let me know, i'm desperate and i'm sick of my phone LOL~ i've put time limits on it and everything but knowing the password doesn't really do much.. (i'm starting to sound like an addict, i swear my screentime is less than 5 hours a day!!)

in other news, i finally finished the 18trip miraheze wiki's pages for the main characters~ after a long, long while of constantly procrastinating it, i decided to use it as procrastination instead of learning about complex chemical structures. bless?

also, today i got my essay marks back for a class and i was told that my run-on sentence problem was serious. i wrote a sentence that went for 7 lines!! how do you even have that much to say!! christ almighty!

as always, you can contact me at ultramushikeraboy(at)gmail(dot)com!

have a good one, rei :-)