hello, world!
i had a pretty big day today. i was up til' 2:30am so i woke up late and i woke up tired. the reason i stayed up so late was also the reason i got up so early: the ending of a friendship. (dun-dun-DUUUN! sound effect would probably play here, just imagine it for me.)
i hate being the one to end things. being at fault is one thing, i've been on the recieving end of a multitude of blockings and "we can't be friends anymore"s and "kai said that you upset the polycule so we've created this discord groupchat to address what you've done"s but i am very rarely the one to cut somebody else off. and i'm not good at it either, i feel bad the whole time and i mourn the friendship so much before i've even done anything that i psyche myself out and then after it's done i get so sad that i have to stop myself from reaching out again--which is ridiculous, frankly, because oftentimes being in these relationships makes me more miserable than anything else. i'm sure sigmund freud would have something to say about this, but he's a hack and i refuse to give credit to a man like that (even if he really did contribute quite a bit to the field of psychology......... pierre janet is better than him any day, thank you!) also, i'm just not really a believer in cutting people off entirely. i know people can change, i've been the person who's had to, so i hate discrediting that when i haven't really given the person time to change. i digress.
because i was so stressed and tired, i figured i may as well take a walk and clear my head, so i did. i ended up wandering for a bit before getting myself an iced tea, then wandering so far i ended up at the local park nearby my primary school best friend's house. i sat there for a bit, i cried, i texted some friend. i sat in the sun and blew some bubbles, took a photo of the monkey plush that ended up being in my bag (whimsical creature, so much joy in his little soul), and then i went to wander some more.
there's these things all throughout my neighbourhood, i think they're drainage channels, but they stretch between streets. they have waist to shoulder height concrete walls, which you can descend and then you can travel through, or you can just walk on the sides, with the houses surrounding you. it's technically dangerous, and you shouldn't do it after or during the rain, but as long as you don't crawl through the tunnels beneath the road, you should be fine.
waltzing across the concrete that makes up these channels reminded me that you kind of do have free will--you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want forever (within the law, the people in my life consistently remind me). the internet and the state of society nowadays kind of makes me forget that at times, and it's scary. but exploring in the world is a beautiful thing, and there's no fear of getting lost if you have a vague sense for where you are.
also, today i listened to a lot of the ensemble stars soundtrack. it was a big part of my 13 year old experience, and while i don't really play the game anymore (i've moved onto.. worse...), i genuinely enjoy a lot of the music. UNDEAD were, and probably will always be, my favourite group and their music is a pretty consistent reminder as to why that is. i find it ridiculously impressive how talented voice actors in these music projects can be, singing is one thing and acting is another but to combine them even without professional experience is trulyyyy something else.
man, every time i start to think about this subject i'm reminded of ito kent and ryuichi kijima's insane attempt at performing wrap and rap live. these guys sit in a studio all day for their job and you put them on a stage and made them rap their asses off.. in character.. it's levels of talent i can't help but respect. speaking of wrap and rap, i really love the line "こりゃなんだー？/ コリアンダー！" (kore nanda? korianda!) (literally, what's this? coriander!) it's suuuuch a fun play on words. i love hypmic bad.
tangent aside, my sister made apple crumble and my mum brought us home pizza, so today was a good day and i won't complain about the bad parts. though in saying that i'm reminded of the idea that one bad thing will ruin a perfectly good day. i don't think i've ever understood that, or if i ever will, because as much as it's a bit of rain on your parade, i always go home happy about something. maybe some people just need to see the joy in life.. (<- very bold words from a previously self-proclaimed pessimist)
also, i did some wiki contrib on the 18trip miraheze wiki, so i'm pretty proud of myself. i knocked out two character description sections within the hour (someone who obsessively reads and re-reads character stories so that they know they've gotten every fact correct). it's nice to be in a smaller fandom and to be able to do something for it.
in regards to bear, i don't think this kind of update will be a daily thing. i talk too much for that to be possible (if this post isn't evidence enough), but i also want to be able to actually post on here every once in a while, so i'll try and make an effort. in the meantime, you can always contact me at ultramushikeraboy(at)gmail(dot)com! i check my emails often enough, and i'll respond as soon as possible, so if you found what i had to say interesting or you wanna send me hatemail, go ahead!
have a lovely day, rei :-)
p.s. jesus christ, i'm reading over this one more time before i post it, and man, i go on about some irrelevant stuff. to anyone who actually got this far, i'm sorry that you were subjected to the rambles of a music project fan! it's heartbreaking stuff, believe me, i know.